Blue Moon

Here I sit enjoying my first full alcoholic drink since I found out I was pregnant: a bottle of Blue Moon. Yes, a bit mundane, but think of it as comfort food. I also scheduled a massage for myself today, which helped a lot since my back has begun aching from the stiff side-sleeping/arm-out position I'm using when the baby is in bed with me. It ensures he's safe from my husband and me, but it puts a kink in the middle of my back, which poor posture during some nursing probably doesn't help. The masseuse, at a great and inexpensive place called Massage Harmony, said he's expecting his third child, so he was comfortable with my post-partum status and gave me a great massage.

I popped open the beer after little Darrell emptied one boob and we pumped the other one empty with the new breast pump I got from WIC so he has milk while I teach my four-hour GRE class tomorrow. It was our first experience using the pump, and it took a while to coax the milk out before a decent let-down gave us about two ounces. I was stunned when we removed the pump: my nip looked like it had been attacked by wasps, it was so large and swollen!

Now I just have to hope that tonight is not like last night. Last night was another hell night where little Darrell was up until 5 am with no substantial respite. I could often get him quiet or sleeping for a time but only if I kept rocking in the glider, shushing-singing to him and giving him my pinky to suck on - and I can't do that for four hours nonstop. Each time I would get him asleep, I would wait 15 minutes or so to be sure he was asleep and then try to move back to the bedroom, or, if I was already in bed, to slide down to a supine position with him beside me or on my chest so I could actually sleep. Each time he thwarted my quest for zzz's by waking up fussy.

Somewhere around 4 am, I woke up my husband to ask him to change the diaper because I was so exhausted I didn't think I could get up again. He did, and he told me everything was okay. No, it wasn't, I told him. I was exhausted. I didn't care if I was doing well - though I was grateful to hear him tell me so - I needed to sleep! Once he finally fell asleep a little after 5:30 or so, we stayed in bed until noon with one feeding in the middle, and I squeezed in two hours of nap earlier this evening. I won't have the luxury of sleeping in that late tomorrow, and I have to teach math for four hours...